HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
they need to just BURY HIM!
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
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