I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
