tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize