You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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