Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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