Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Randomize
