Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
