i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
