i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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