That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I AM VODKA MAN
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
