At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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