3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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