FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
In America we eat man semen.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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