I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
The struggles of a small town man whore
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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