Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
