Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
