Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
