Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
