Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
