i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
