I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
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