You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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