I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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