I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Randomize
