went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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