Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
