The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
