Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
