I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I wish i was in the wii world.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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