He had one of those small greek statue penises
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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