I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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