She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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