You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
