Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
