took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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