halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
We left the knife in your bed.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
