So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize