Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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