Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
