I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
