is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
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