your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
