I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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