Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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