Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
