My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
