Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
