Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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