I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
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