turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
My vagina is very pro this idea
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
