I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
