i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
