We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
