I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
