I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize