Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
