he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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