cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
