M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
