i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
