Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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