I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
