dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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