I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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