I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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