So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
