and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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