I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
nutella sex= disaster
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
