Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
