I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
