Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
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