i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
