I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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