i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
