he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize