Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
