I wanna bring you to show and tell
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I deserve this hangover.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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