My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
