Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
