Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
